future trunks

Now, let me preface this post by saying that I don’t have a problem with the actual site. I find it easy to use and the interface is pretty nice.

However, it’s the users who I find kind of grating. It’s nothing too major like racism or blatant sexism. No, not at all. It’s actually kind of minor, but it’s a bunch of minor things that add up to one huge problem.

I’ve found that people on tumblr tend to reblog the most bullshit things. Pictures filtered so heavily you can’t tell if it was taken with a DSLR or a hipster toaster. Quotes and lyrics and words that mean nothing but admittedly look nice next to each other. Gif images taken out of context and also filtered and shopped. Why we need a gif image of Colin Mochrie being funny on Whose Line in sepia tones and heavy vignetting is beyond me.

Tumblr pros, is there any way I can hide your reblogged bullshit on my dashboard? I don’t want to see such blatant tumblr whoring for reblogs. I can do this on facebook. I can do this on twitter. Can I do it on tumblr? I don’t want to end up hating you guys for reblogging something because you get the reference (“Hey! I know that video game character! I GET THE JOKE! REBLOG! LOL THE 90s!!!”). Help me out here.

Inspirational words or rapist’s motto? Seriously, what is this? This picture makes no sense. 

Maybe I just don’t get tumblr or maybe I’m just not following the right people. I’m still new to this after all. I will still use it though if only because it’s really easy and I think it has potential for me. I just hope I won’t ever become one of those people who say “You won’t understand, it’s a tumblr thing.” 

Picture this: You just got off the bus. It’s cold, it’s late, and you just want to quickly walk the block and a half to your house.  You zip up your hood, tighten your scarf, shove your hands in your pockets, and begin the two-minute trek to the front door. You’re a fast walker so two minutes is actually kind of slow for you. You’re about a quarter of the way there when you realize there’s something hindering your path. 

It’s a woman. Not only that, but she’s walking really slow. And she’s in front of you. And she’s headed in the same direction. The sidewalk is too narrow for you too comfortably pass her. So what do you do to seem less…stalky rapey? There are a few options. You can: 

1. Slow down your pace to match hers
2. Take out your phone to let her know you’re not a threat
3. Cough so she’ll know you’re there
4. Cross the street

This is one of the most uncomfortable situations anyone has to deal with. A true first world problem. All of the above options, however, are compromises, not solutions. Why should I slow down, cross the street, pretend a sickness, or compromise the warmth of my hands and phone for the sake of you not being startled?

Option 5: Say ‘fuck it’ and just rumble your way past her not giving a shit if you give her slowpoke vagina a heart attack.

Situations like these should not occur as frequently as they do, and yet…

Ladies (and gentlemen), please be aware of your surroundings at all times. This doesn’t just happen at night or to slow bow-legged females who have all the time in the world to dick around on sidewalks at night. This applies to everyone at every time. I shouldn’t have to feel like a creep for wanting to get past your grandma-on-a-walker-with-a-limp-and-toe-cancer pace. I shouldn’t have to not act rapey or try to assume a less hoodlum demeanor around you. You should be considerate and not hog the sidewalk with your Ugg-boot-infested sartorially-challenged feet. Remember, street rules: left lane is passing. So move your baby-on-board minivan of an ass to the right and let me pass. It’s come to a point where if I startle you by passing you on the sidewalk, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. And I have. I’ve become the bad guy.

This is my tumblr. I will use it mainly for posting thoughts that require more than 140 characters and a mobile phone. I will use this blog as an outlet for my creative and comedic voice to develop like a 13-year old girl reading Twilight for the first time. Here is a list of things I might talk about:

• Film/TV/Music (you know the deal)
• Pop culture
• Trivia
• Fashion
• Design
• Dogs
• Big butts

On occasion, I will drop some dope science on you, maybe sprinkle your mindtitties with some politics and get your technology rocks off. I’ll try to post one original thought a day. If that fails, I will turn to you, Internet, and post One Cool Thing A Day (OCTAD). 

I WON’T:

• Reblog content from sites like 9gag and funnyjunk
• Reblog or participate in the spread of stupid and unfunny memes
• Reblog those .gif posts that tell a story (unless it’s really exceptionally funny)

I’m speaking to no one in particular in this post. This is just a kind of mission statement. A pledge. Kind of like what young Charlie Kane did when he acquired that newspaper business. Well I think that’s enough for today.

Cheers.